A Thanksgiving Present

Confessions of a Motorcycle Mama

A few weeks ago my adult son gave me an opportunity to add to my growing collection of grey hairs by telling me he planned to buy a motorcycle. I have long looked upon motorcycles with fear and aversion, a sentiment that began as a teenager when my father once said to me, "See, the thing about motorcycles is you’ve only got two wheels. If you are riding along at 65 mph and one of those tires gets a flat . . . (and he left the last part to my already too vivid imagination)."

I tried to be impartial and supportive with my son on the phone. I asked about the kind of bike (a used 2001 Suzuki) encouraged him to be safe (he assured me that he had already taken a DMV-approved driving course) and expressed my confidence in his ability to make good decisions (he told me that I didn't need to worry). After this exemplary display of maturity and objectivity on my part I hung up the phone, walked down the stairs, and burst into tears. Two minutes later I was texting him to say I was a mess and would he please drop the whole idea. He was gentle but adamant in saying he was going to buy a bike as planned.

I knew I needed to find a better perspective from which to support Jackson’s decision, and turned to several self-reflective writing practices from my training. Long story short, I found a perspective that allowed me to appreciate my son’s independence, his maturity, and (frankly) his right to live life on his own terms, not mine.

Fast forward to this weekend, when Jackson rode his bike up to CT for a visit. We had joked recently on the phone about the possibility of my taking a small (very small!) spin around the neighborhood with him. He took that idea one step further by buying a second complete set of protective pants, jacket and helmet so I could ride with him on the local parkway. God help me but I got caught up in his excitement, and the bike was way less threatening-looking than I thought it would be, so I agreed to do it.

I had expected to have a coronary as soon as we went faster than 30 mph, but once we got on his bike and headed out I found myself relaxing into the moment instead of getting all uptight. My thought process went something like this: "Well, I’ve committed to this ride and it’s going to go however it goes. I trust Jackson to be a responsible and cautious driver or else I wouldn’t have gotten on the bike in the first place. The best way I can support his ability to drive well is to relax and go with his movements. Being relaxed will allow me to sense which way he is leaning so I can lean with him. And being relaxed will give my own muscles a better chance of going through the experience without being all sore and in spasm afterward."

Then my brain thought it would help by providing an image of the bike skidding out of control (by now we were a quarter mile from home, not yet on the parkway). I immediately felt as fragile and exposed as a butterfly and imagined how easily my bones would snap into little pieces if we were to take even the smallest tumble. I took a deep breath, mentally shrugged and thought, "Oh well, it’s a good day to die." In that moment I chose to accept my vulnerability and enter fully into the experience, even going so far as to allow for the possibility that I might have some fun and adventure in the few remaining moments before I was pulverized by the macadam.

All these realizations flew through my mind in the 5 minutes it took to reach the parkway entrance. We zoomed up the highway for two exits (it took maybe 5 minutes) then turned around and zoomed back. I was calm and at ease, to the point where Jackson was concerned that I wasn’t hanging on to him hard enough! Mind you, I’m not about to go buy a bike or riding gear, but for days afterward I found myself thinking about how exhilarating the whole experience was.

In retrospect, it strikes me that hurtling along on only two tires at 65 mph with a physical level of protection that’s laughable compared to that of a car is a very apt metaphor for what it’s like to live life every day. We hurtle along, not really knowing when or if we will be blindsided by injury, loss, illness, or death. And although we like to think differently, we have just about as much protection as I did on the bike: enough to make you THINK you’re ok, but not enough to truly protect you should the worst case scenario actually happen.

So I’m going to practice riding life’s motorcycle with the same attitude: I’ll do what I can to protect myself, but I will also accept the fact that in the end I can’t protect against everything. I will relax and go with the flow of the experience, especially if it feels like someone else is driving, because that’s the best way to optimize my own chances of survival. Relaxing will allow me to better sense and respond to the events of my life, and it will also cause the least stress on my physical and mental well being. And best of all, surrendering to the experience of the moment opens the possibility that I might actually enjoy the ride!
　

Want to Live Like You Mean It? Get Lost

I went to a friend’s 50th birthday party last weekend, and she asked those of us who were over 50 to come prepared to share a wisdom we have learned. My wisdom came in the form of a story about something I did with my son when he was very young.

My son is 31 years old now. When he was about 6 or 7 we were driving home after running some errands. When we passed a housing development I turned to him on impulse and said, "Why don’t we get lost?"

He wasn’t certain what I meant but (knowing I could be a bit of a joker) he was intrigued. I turned into the development and told him we were going to drive around until we were lost and didn’t know how to get out.

NOW he was hooked! As I took random turns to the right and left he kept asking, "Are we lost now mom? Now are we lost?" He kept looking at all the new homes and streets, eyes wide and a big smile on his face. You would have thought I was driving him through Disneyland!

I was having fun too, but more from that place of,"Ha, I know we’re not really lost but it’s fun to do something that’s fun for him." Until a point where I realized that I really didn't know where I was! I had gotten completely disoriented: I knew the neighborhood was bordered by four main streets so it was just a matter of time before we got out, but that was when we had no GPS or cell phones and it seemed I was driving in circles.

It started to get dark and I started to get nervous. No one was out and the neighborhood was all residential homes so there were no stores to stop at to get directions. I finally saw a nice looking man on the corner and told Jackson I was going to stop and get directions.

"No!" he cried. "Let’s stay lost! This is fun!" He was so disappointed when I insisted on stopping and getting the directions that would get us home.

So my advice to you is, "Get lost!" Don’t let yourself get so comfortable with the patterns of your life that you lose the ability to enjoy something different. And when life brings you a challenge that makes you feel lost, like changing careers, losing money or ending a relationship, call out to that part of you that stills remembers how fun it can be to not know, to see everything with new eyes, and to find wonder in the newness.

Sometimes you've just gotta meet yourself where you are.

It takes guts to live like you mean it

Success starts with core truth

I’ve always been fascinated by what creates high performance in a company. Over the years I’ve noticed that the factors which support peak performance in an individual are the same factors that cause a business to operate at its best: a focus on core truth, a commitment to a clear vision, and the ability to see and seize unexpected opportunities or guidance.

A key driver of many successful businesses is that ineffable, deeply-held “knowing” of a senior executive or business owner that they are on the right path regardless of the challenges they meet along the way. Their certainty expresses itself in language like, “I believe that this department (division, company) can be successful” or “I don’t know how, but I know we’re going to do this!” You can tell that the statements are not coming from bravado; you can hear the deeply-held conviction in their voice.

I call this deep level of knowing “core truth”. Every successful business person I’ve worked with or interviewed has credited their success in large part to acting on what they often refer to as gut instinct, a deeply felt certainty that this is the way to go even though logic might suggest otherwise. They learned to trust their internal “green light” or “red light” feelings and they use their core truth in decision-making as much as they do their thinking mind.

A business that operates from core truth seems to exude a higher level of commitment, conviction and passion that in turn resonates for us. Most of us prefer to buy from companies that we believe in: we trust that they will deliver on their promises.

Core truth also provides the solid ground upon which to stand when challenges arise. For example, a colleague of mine was preparing to give a presentation to a major corporation. Even though the presentation was excellent, she continued to feel a nagging sense that something critical was missing. We talked the day before the meeting and I asked her why she felt her company was so uniquely suited to take on this project. She started talking about the values upon which her company was founded: being innovative, integrating systems to save both time and money, using best in class technologies.

The more she talked about her business’ core values (truths), the more passionate and self-assured she became. The truth of what she believed became the spark that turned a factual presentation of capabilities into a roaring fire of conviction. When her company was awarded the project, she was told it was due as much to who she was being as it was the impressiveness of her track record and unique services. They felt the fire of her conviction and truth.

What companies would you say communicate and follow their core values and truth? While I haven’t done any research on the companies I’m about to mention, I would nominate Zappo’s, the original Bear Naked granola company, General Electric and UTC. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Click on the following link to learn more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! peak performance training. Or visit LinkedIn to learn more about my marketing and project management services: Power Source Now, LLC .

Lead like you mean it!

Recently I reconnected with an old business colleague through Linked In. It was so much fun to reminisce about the years we had worked together. Afterward I found myself thinking about the man who had been the president of our division at the time. He was an outstanding boss, the best I had ever worked for. It occurred to me that he is a great example of what happens when you live like you mean it (or lead like you mean it) in a business environment.

Dan (pseudonym) first joined our division as a regional sales manager. When I knew him he was our division president, and eventually he rose to become a senior VP in the corporate offices. Dan was an incredible leader who understood the inner workings of both businesses and people. He practiced “management by walking around”: wandering through the halls of our division from engineering to manufacturing, talking with people, getting updates, and spreading his business gospel. I had never worked for someone who could rally the troops, demand high performance and still keep everyone motivated the way this man could.

The more I observed Dan in action the more intrigued I became about what made him such a skillful leader. After watching Dan for over a year I couldn’t stand it any longer: I walked into his office on an impulse one afternoon and asked him what books or mentors had influenced his management style. God only knows what he thought of my unexpected intrusion, but happily he put aside whatever affairs of state were on his desk and spoke with me for a few minutes.

Dan said he learned 3 things an executive must do to ensure a business operates at its best:

Hire well. Find high-caliber employees who have the strengths, skills and experience required for the job.

Communicate expectations. Make sure each employee is extremely clear about what they are expected to do. Provide detailed goals and performance measures.

Clear the runway for their success. Provide the space and resources your employees need to do their jobs well.

Dan emphasized the importance of removing obstacles that were beyond the scope and responsibility of an individual or department. For example, he would run interference when dictates from corporate HQ threatened to derail his peoples’ focus on division goals. He stepped in as needed to ensure his managers worked together effectively despite conflicting work styles or inter-departmental rivalries. Dan would find ways to beg borrow and/or steal (all figuratively speaking of course) the money and resources his division needed while constantly challenging his teams to do more with less.

Dan lived his three management principals every day and he demanded as much of himself as he did of others. This made for a fast-paced environment that could be stressful at times but was also very rewarding both intellectually and materially.

Have you worked for someone who also knew how to lead like you mean it? What would you say made that person such an effective leader?

Click on the following link to learn more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! peak performance training. Or visit LinkedIn to learn more about my marketing and project management services: Power Source Now, LLC .